About Sense and Nonsense of Life
Home
Archives:
 | life... it hugs you... it caresses you... |
the day after...
adendum/postscriptum (sp?) to previous post:
As soon as I went to bed and closed my eyes, the image of a pair of bleeding detached hands flashed (with a very frightening impact) in my head... I do not dare thinking about a possible meaning of it...
fury unleashed (well, ...not really)
Mmmkay, this is going to be a very disturbing post (so be it!).
Lately, a few guys are behaving as if I have killed someone. The disturbing part is that these are guys I care about most. Even more disturbing is, that their reasons are those of an either "I'm mad at *you* because *you* did that"- nature (read: "I'm still carying the past with me and I haven't got the slightest to do with it; it is exclusively all your fault") or "I have to behave carefully for not allowing misinterpretations occur"-nature (read: "Wohoww! Careful! There he is! Do *NOT* under any circumstances talk or even [pardon me?] *greet* him! He might want something from you afterwards")...
Guys, can we cut that crap out? Please? I guess I should *really* kill somebody to have you talking to me again. But I guess that would be then something in the way of: "Oh my god! what have you done? You need professional help! I care for you, you know I always did... (insert your favorite StandardMajorBullshitICareAndIAmAGoodFriendYouAreAVictim(ByThatIMeanAsshole)IAmAnAngelPreach here...)".
Guys, I love you (still) but please try to be *good* actors (these performances are more miserable than those in the uncompared Larry Ludman karate-movies [nothing personal, Larry...] )
Sad... truly sad... I know this kindergarten is my own projection, but I still don't understand what the hell is going on in me... this sheer anger... what it means and how to cope with it...
love ya...
"victory means nothing to him... the fight is all..." -- Ryu's SF2 ending
(Began and) finished Marie Jaoul Poncheville's "The little Shaman" (in german). I already knew it would be a good book. It has a nice and of all a very honest conclusion (the story's main character as well as the author's dedication at the end of the book). The main character sums up (which definitely reflects the author's mind at a certain moment in time): "I know, I do not know everything. And even that tiny knowledge might be just pure illusion. But I will move on with that tiny key in my pocket." A humble conclusion for a being that obviously came in touch with the way of the heart... and a brave decision to fight on rather then rest with the current insights or even give up and fall back...
...my conclusion/insights for now?... difficult... there are at least a few. I'm feeling traped. Traped because I know what life is not. Traped because I got a few hints what the nature of life is most likely. Traped because I tasted the heart-way which also happens to be a "hard-way" (yes ladies and gentleman, behold this yet another coincidence-phantasm of this world's poor possesed soul: the phonetic similarity of the words "heart" and "hard") but reveals true blissful moments and further trustworthy hints about the nature of life.
So it's up to me to choose (as if I haven't or should I say: "it"..."he"? already decided). What is missing is responsibility, courage, sacrifice...
And now to something completely different... (no, not the larch...) a late answer (is a wrong answer? read on :)...
my most blissful moment in life Kuraudiachan?
wrong question!
[*unconditional faith*]
is the right answer
my most embarrassing moment in life Kuraudiachan?
wrong question!
[*unconditional fight*]
is the right answer
...that was soothing! :)
"i shin den shin: from soul to soul"
Ahhh, yes... the instantanious communication... with perfect understanding... with no purpose... just oneness...
Tolis replaced the japanese shin-logo of my handy. He sent some other japanese kanjis he found in the web not knowing they actually mean aikido (my guess was he *knew* what they mean and sent them to me to cheer me up or else)...
A minor (or major) note (with coincidental charachter): Sensei is since yesterday in hospital for that surgery. Round 11:05 (today) I received a concerned mail whether I'm o.k. Strange enough I had a sudden feeling of faintness at that time...